Mo-vember

Well guys, been quite a while. A bit has happened since. So I'll try to clue you guys in without making it a puzzle or the Davinci Code.

Well still working at Dollarama. It's still alright. My shifts are back to 7-3, days go by fast. We are falling behind though and it's getting a little stressful. They got me working in seasonal for a couple days, leaving my aisle alone and there are piles of boxes there now. So, ah! We constantly getting new people or transfers to help out.

Ended up going to Edmonton in October, since I don't think I said in any past posts. It was a really good time. Some ups and downs but overall very good. Hopefully again soon. I like their scene there.

Dad was away for 2 weeks in October and a bit in November. Back now. Got used to taking care of it on my own though. Except for my brother who didn't do anything around the house.

Lost my visa and a lady found it and was going to give it back. And it was a couple days later and I needed it so I just cancelled and ordered a new one and unfortunately she dropped it off just that night. Car was in the shop for a bit, just got it back and now the check engine light it back on. Seriously?

My grandma had a heart attack a little bit ago. She is doing fine now though. Made me cry knowing that I'm starting to lose them. One grandma has cancer and my mom's parents both have had heart attacks. Went to visit her with my mom in the hospital. It went well and saw my aunt from Ontario.

I don't know why but lately I feel like I finally find a jolt of happiness and sense of comfort and feel like I found a little part of myself but it eventually leaves or turns out to be false. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm constantly busy and changing. I can only now think back to those good times that made me smile just for a sense of enjoyment. Every one else is moving on in their lives and I feel like I am in the same spot I have been for a couple years. When will I ever get out of this "I don't know" stage. This clueless feel inside me just makes things feel like what's the point? I know there is a past of depression in my life but I thought it was gone and I at least moved on from that. Everything is moving at a fast pace and I just can't seem to keep up so all I can do it just sit back. I want to delete Facebook but there are close friends and family on there that I just can't because this is the only contact I have with them. May even start looking for a better paying job, but don't know for sure yet.

I realized a little about myself today though. I like bringing people into my life but I get a sense of 'uncomfortableness' when I am brought into their life. I feel like I'm intruding and I know I have been like this since I was little. I always had problems with just walking into people's houses even when they told me to, having dinner with others parents, talking to their family, siblings and friends. I'm more of a listener than a talker with most people. I'm so damn awkward. I have this hard shell around me and I know people tell me I care to much what others think or I am just shy. Yes, I am probably just shy but that's just who I am. Not a quality that I like much about myself, but I prefer to not be that remember-able whether it's a good memory or bad. I prefer to leave no trail that I was ever in someone's house. I know have these weird tendencies and issues and I have no idea where I got them from but that's just who I am.

Happy Sunday everyone. Go play in the snow!