The more of you the merrier

Brought up into this endless pit of anguish. Stop telling me things get better because they obviously don't. There are moments when the sun shines bright, other than those short moments you are covered by clouds and lightning ready to strike you down like all the rest of the monsters inhabiting this earth. I do not see why things must be fabricated to each and every person. Something is always false when people speak to others these days. People hide things like the dirty deeds that they are ashamed of, thinking that if they bury them deep enough they will not ascend. Those things are ticking time bombs, just sitting there waiting to be detected. Once that thing is created, it can't just disappear. Those things cannot hide. They will be found. 

Don't fucking tell me everything is going to be okay. Each day something happens, something brings me down into that one fucking hole and it keeps getting deeper and deeper. Soon enough I'll touch the core. Then how fucking happy will you be, that part of it was your fault, responsible, for playing me.

Asphyxiate

Thoughtless Rant:
That hero will come a day, not knowing if they are there or if you must still find them. You will never know until the moment before you die and realize they mean everything to you, every breath you took you shared, every passionate moment you had their company. Maybe this realization may come sooner than that, but no one knows. Feelings change, people change, the world changes. A never ending constant cycle of pain, laugh, joy, love and hatred. Connections between two people is literally a roller coaster, you never will get to fully understand that other person. There will always be something new, some sense of mystery. My fine words are that do what your heart tells you, if the message is scrambled, fucking fix the puzzle.


Lately, I have been reminiscing about the past and future. Don't worry, still living in the moment and moving forward . Now that I am finishing high school, for good, I think it's time that I set the right path for my life. Get a good start. Live how I want to live.


There are so many things I want to achieve and am motivated for but the fact of getting hired and earning money is going to be hard for me because I have so little experience and am so awkward and shy. But I think it's time that I just do something, set some goals and accomplish something.


The past has been so good. I always think to myself that my generation growing up will end up quite well, we do have a dependency on technology and are quite independent but when I see kids these days attached to their Nintendo DS or little kids carrying around an iPhone or BlackBerry, I am a little sad. I didn't have a phone until grade 8, before that I got to use a walkie talkie. When my generation has children, ask them if they know what a walkie talkie is or the movie The Land Before Time or even the thing that is on a plastic stick with a ball on one end and a circle on the other where you put your foot through and you twirl it around on your ankle and jump over it. Bet you they won't know what it is. All the board games we grew up with and the technology will be so different. Maybe even when we have children they won't even know what a CD player is or iPhone. Crazy...


Ciao. (:
(p.s. going to get so little sleep, staying up late and walking up so early for my first final, shit I'm stupid.)

Bigger Picture

"Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."

- Bob Marley

Double U, Tee, Eff?

I don't know who you are anymore. What happened? I sure as hell didn't do anything, I've always been there and supported you through everything. I don't know what else I could ever do for you after all that I've done. I'm being taken advantage of and that I know. This is fucking ridiculous. I want you in my life but seriously, just stop that. I don't do it to you, why do it to me? This has happened on a number of occasions and I understand and all that it was back then but now? Really? Yeah, I'm pissed about it. Who wouldn't be.

Summer?

Hello hello fellow people.

I'm going to be a crazy, pmsing female teenager at this point because I don't give a fuck. Don't judge, don't even read if you don't care or are just going to say stupid shit. I'm just putting this down somewhere, being stupid and viral and shit, and that's it. Not looking for anything or sympathy or advice. Just a pair of eyes and possibly a brain to go with it if you wish.

Never been so confused. I'm just waiting for High School to be over so there is jsut less drama in my life. A week left of classes then I have 2 finals (fuck yeah). I'm just letting things fall into places where they want to be, I don't want to make decisions anymore. Call me immature if you want or even stupid but I'm doing what I want. I don't care what happens to me anymore, if I get hurt, then koodos to me. Don't be standing there telling me 'I told you so'. I want to get this all into order. I want to stop stressing. I want to go out and have fun, take life seriously and grow up. I want to have those experiences that I never got to have. I want to go out and have fun, but obviously I fucked that up too. I am just so awkward and shy, it's ridiculous!

Anywho, that's my rant of the evening.

Ciao.

The Knowing

This past week has been treacherous. These feelings and thoughts have been haunting me and they seem to be demons to my brain and heart because they just won't leave me alone. Getting brushed off, showing my place, I am trying to read you. It's too hard to read someone when there were parts and words missing. My heart is in my stomach it feels so sunken and I shake at the thought of something terrible. This monster is attacking me and don't know what will be left of me. This creature has been here all along, you kept it away. It has dark, pitch black eyes that can stare into you and you are paralyzed. What do I do now being paralyzed?